Maybe it's just the stress that I've been dealing with for the past few weeks, or maybe it's something that I've been thinking about for a while now. I don't want to make this out as a rant, but feel free to read this. It's just something that's been bothering me for a while now.
I suppose this mostly has to do with my drawings, and after taking a class in design/illustration, it had me realize that, in terms of coming up with an interesting illustration, I don't feel that I'm close. It's mostly coming up with a good narrative illustration, a single image that can tell a whole story, something that is interesting and engaging to the viewers, something that has a distinct and unique style. But I don't feel that I've reach that at all. I know that I've received a lot of positive feed back from other people and saying that they like what I have, but when I look at their works and the concept ideas that they've come up with, it makes me think that I haven't been able to do something like that. It's mostly because I feel that my ideas are too simple, or not as interesting. And that's one thing that I struggle with is coming up with a unique illustration.
Maybe it's just me, or it might be because I haven't been a creatively motivated or influences as the others. I never really had a source of inspiration (maybe a couple but that all) that has given me a way to think about how I can create a good illustration. I've always had this notion that I want create something of my own, I don't want to be influenced too much that I feel that I'm taking that person's ideas and concept and applying them to mine, I want everything that I do to be 100% mine. But unfortunately I don't think that's working out for me. It may also be the case for why I seem to have trouble to draw something; I could run into a block or I could just end up drawing the same thing over and over again, in terms of composition. And in the career of illustration and design, that's something that's stressed me out the most.
This has also been the same case with my characters as well. Outside of doing character designs (clothes and hairstyles) and providing descriptions for them, I've done little to show, visually, who they are as characters. I want to be able to show them, actually show them, how they interact with one another, how they behave and act, what their personalities are, and so on. I feel that I still haven't done much with them because of the fact that I don't have any inspiration to draw from, and which is why I've mostly drawn character portraits all the time because that's all I can come up with.
Also, I guess another big thing that I'm facing is "is my style good enough?". Is it too simple? Is there not enough detail? Is there not enough intrigue to keep the viewer engaged? Things like that I've been a little stressed about. I love to draw, and I still want to improve my style more, but I almost feel that I have to reinvent the wheel again and create an entirely different style that would impress more people, instead of one that I've been comfortable doing all these years. It's not something that I would want to do since I know that having a unique art style is what separates you from other artists, but at the same it one that is most noticeable.
I'm not trying to say all this just to discourage myself, and it's not to day that I don't think that I'm cut out for a career in illustration (and graphic design) because I still am interested. I'm just saying this because I know that I shouldn't let this get the best of me. I know that I still have a lot to learn and that good. And I still want to improve my style a little more, but not to the point where I completely change my entire style. And lastly, I should remember that, no matter what, I should never lose anything that I am more passionate about doing, like drawing.
I love drawing, I love characters and how they are created, from design, to personalities, to interests. I also like how characters grow and develop, how they interact, and so on. And I love to be able to create stories form them in the form of visual representations. That's something that I wish to do more of and something that I need to practice more.
So yeah, that's what's been on my mind for a while now, and I'm glad to be able to just talk about just to relieve some of this stress. This is something that I really wanted to do for a while now. Not to get too personal, but I feel that I'm at a point in my life now where I should be doing something. But if this doesn't seem to work out for me, then I'm not sure what else I can do. And that's something that has been worrying me for sometime now.
Thank you again for listening,